Plentiful Providence

The other day, Todd was listening/watching a video of Paul Washer reading a journal about the beginnings of his missions agency. [(heartcrymissionary.com) - you should check it out] The journal was about how they had been supported. The group had a certain way of gaining support for the several people they had on the field all over the world. They did not go to any churches or speak to any individuals about the needs they had. They only prayed, and watched God provide. Mr. Washer read entry after entry about how God miraculously sent the money they needed time after time. The people working in the missions agency sometimes went without a paycheck, but they often had more food and supplies than they would have had if they had been paid. It was an awesome testimony of God's providence and His love for His children.

I wanted to record some very recent instances of God's sovereign love in our lives. December is an especially expensive month for us. Lots of family to buy gifts for, friends, and three birthdays around that time keep us pretty strapped financially. But as time progressed, I was able to buy several of the gifts we needed to buy with money that had been given to me by random people and even family.

One of the biggest blessings we received in December was because of some of our dear brothers and sisters in Christ in Kalamazoo. There is a college group at Northeastern Baptist that has taken us on as missionaries. The leader of that group, Chuck Black, met with Todd one morning for coffee along with some of the kids in his group. When Todd came home, he told me that they were dropping by because they wanted to say hi to me too. I thought it was nice, but kind of odd. Well, when they came in, they were carrying boxes upon boxes of groceries for us, along with more than enough gas money for our trip to Pennsylvania. I had a hard time keeping my composure, and finally gave up the fight and just tried to thank them somewhat coherently.

Now as the new year of 2011 has come, God has shown himself loving and powerful yet again. Todd and I are both in a wedding come July. Renting tuxedos and buying bridesmaids dresses is not exactly cheap. Well, my friend called me and said she found out that the dresses needed to be ordered earlier than she thought and I needed to do it that week. Yikes. It just so happened (: that a woman in our church needed someone to watch her kids on Thursday. I was paid the exact amount I needed for the dress. Coincidence?Yeah right. This past weekend, Todd and I went to go get him fitted for his tux, which was going to cost more than my dress. Well, when we were there at the store, we were informed that someone had paid for his... blessings abound and abound and abound.

I have been needing an eye appointment for quite a while, and I was going to get one when we got our tax refund. Well, when I sat down next to Todd in church on Sunday, he placed a folded check on my lap. It was for $1000. A couple in the church has now done this a few times, every time unexpected. They said they want to do it three times a year. Now I can get an eye appointment this week!

I am completely overwhelmed by God's manifold grace. How can I ever doubt?

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

My Favorite Things

There is a song called "My favorite Things" sung by Julie Andrews. She sings about simple things that make her happy when she is down; things such as raindrops on noses and whiskers on kittens. Yes, this does all sound rather whimsical and silly, and no, I'm not feeling down.

But, one of my favorite things is wildlife. I love animals, some I would not venture to keep or touch; but I do enjoy looking at them.

Todd and I were on our way home from Pennsylvania and as usual, I stared at the scenery while my mind wandered. The trip from PA to MI is beautiful when there's a fresh layer of snow blanketing the trees and mountains. While I was looking at the scenery, I couldn't help but recognize the glory and majesty of my Lord.

Now this is when the frivolous and whimsical Janine kicks in. The drive from PA to MI is also very long. So I started looking for deer. I was also praying on and off, praising God for the glory shown in His creation. While I was praying, I asked God, knowing it was silly, if I could see some deer. I know, of all the things to pray for...

Anyways, about a half hour down the road I was talking to Todd and looked over to my right, and what do ya know. I saw deer, not one, but probably 10-15 deer. It absolutely made my day.

Now I know God loves me, and I don't need any other evidence than my salvation through Jesus Christ. But when I see such a shallow prayer answered for someone as silly as me, I can't help but feel completely humbled by God's love. That definitely is my favorite thing.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Sometimes a person just needs to let go, and right now I need to do that. I want to be completely transparent and honest right now. I feel a little alone, heavy hearted, and...I don't really know. I can't exactly explain how I feel. Starting in this ministry, I quickly went from college student to college leader. All of a sudden, I was supposed to be a leader of my peers. These were all people I had been very close to and had hung out with a few times a week, every week for years. Then I started to see an ever-widening gap between me and my friends. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing. This gap is a result of me growing spiritually and maturing. I have moved to a different demographic. But from my human, emotional point of view, it's hard and not all together fun. I feel guilty even typing these things. I know as Christ followers, we are going to encounter suffering. But I feel this is coming from my own weaknesses.

Lately I have come to see my shortcomings more and more and more. I feel so utterly inadequate and not worthy of what I have. My salvation, my Savior, and my position in ministry are all things I do not deserve.

I was actually in the middle of my personal studies just now. I couldn't concentrate or focus myself enough to give the passage I was studying it's due.

For heaven's sake! I'm supposed to be leading students, first and foremost by example, and yet I can't seem to focus.

Last night at our EMU Bible study, we studied Romans 7:7-25. The part I can't get out of my head is Paul exclaiming, "Oh wretched man that I am, who will set me free from this body of death?" That's how I feel right now. I cannot escape my own inadequacies, my own sinful, human nature. I come close to tears just thinking about it (although, that usually comes pretty easily for me anyways).

I know I am going through a process of being molded. I have been praying that God gives me humility and uses me how he wants to. Not exactly an easy thing to pray, but I feel blessed to be in this position. I don't know if I did a good job of articulating my feelings but it's nice to get it out of my system. I just know that I have a long long long long long way to go.

The Ripple Effect

Todd and I have been so blessed to be involved in college ministry. God really is growing it in his perfect way. Last night at our Bible study I really got to see how amazing and wonderfully sovereign our Lord is.

Before we leave our home to go to the student center, Todd and I take some time to pray for our study. We pray that God would really move in the student's and our hearts, that the Spirit would move, and that students would come. Last week our numbers were down so we decided to take a break from the norm and just talk about what's been happening in our lives spiritually. So this week, I was expecting a pretty good turnout at our study. Well, when we got there, we found out that several students had work or studies that got in the way. That sadly, is becoming a more common story.

Anyways, I kept thinking and wishing that we had more students coming. God doesn't really want us to do all this work just for a few students. But, later that night, my thinking was changed.

Luke Maggard is our VFY student org. president. He started coming to our group after our tailgate last year. Luke is a great student leader and is the main person who gets students to our Bible study. A few weeks ago a student named Rob came to our Bible study, Luke had invited him. During part of our study, we have discussion. When we were talking about the passages we went over (Romans 7:1-6; Colossians 2:6-3:4), Rob spoke. He just wanted to say thank you to Luke for how much he had helped him at school. Rob said he hadn't been really living his Christianity out for a while, but the steps he is taking are helping.

The first thing I thought was, Todd should start meeting with this kid too. Luke can't be the only one helping him.

That's when I remembered what our mission statement is..."to train and encourage students to reach other students." And that is exactly what is happening! I wanted to jump up and down while clapping saying, IT WORKS!

We don't have to have huge numbers, I don't even know if I'm mature enough as a leader to handle big numbers of students. If in our college ministry, we only reach a few students. That's fine. Because those few students can reach a few more, which will reach a few more, which will also reach a few more...all for the love of Jesus Christ. Amen and Amen.

Lord, stretch me like taffy.

Well it's time for my quarterly blog report again, and there is much to say. I guess one of the most outstanding things going on right now is involving my mother. She is in the hospital right now because she just had about 30% of her liver removed. Around a month ago I took my mom to her oncologist for a routine checkup. In her bloodwork, a certain level was up higher than it should be, something called the CEA. Anyways, one thing led to another and we found out she had two cancerous lesions on her liver. "Again?She just got over colon cancer.What on earth is going on?" I just felt so bad for my mom. I mean, what can you say? Well, the surgery actually went really well and mom is doing well too. She will be in the hospital for 4-5 days and then has a month's recovery before she starts chemo again. God is taking care of her. The most important thing right now, I know, is to trust. Trust in the One who made us and takes care of us, the One who clothes even the lilies. I know that there is going to be a lot of opportunities for growth in this situation and a lot of opportunities to minister. The Lord is good.

Now to a less somber topic, I went to a ladies retreat to Lake Ann Camp with my mom-in-law(Peggy Walker, for those of you who don't know) and my good friend LynnAnn Crots. It was a wonderful time. My mom was the speaker and she was bringing a powerful topic...Intentional Living, that was something I truly needed to hear and see. Her passion for Christ was so evident and her humility when serving is something I wish to have. One of the topics during the sessions was on finding your passion, and while I was there at Lake Ann I saw something I have never really noticed before. Several women of all ages ( most of them in their middle ages) trying to figure out what they were passionate about. How sad is that? I am so blessed that my sovereign Lord brought me back to him so I could figure out my passion early on. I want to become more and more fervent in my love for Christ and more pliable to his will. When I was thinking on this, I could tell that the Holy Spirit was and is moving in my heart. When I realized what I needed to do, I became a little nervous. I know that in my husband and I's ministry, my role will not always be the same. I've started to pray that God uses me however he wants. I've started praying that God stretches me, kinda like taffy. I've always liked taffy, and now I've found a spiritual excuse to eat it. (;

A Lesson on Humility

So, funny story....

At church the other day, Todd and I and a few others from our Sunday school class were walking to the sanctuary when a woman, who will remain unnamed, came up to me with a queer look on her face. She asked me if there was some news she hadn't heard yet and then looked pointedly at my stomach. It clicked then, so I told her, "NO, I am not pregnant." Oh, she said, it must be the dress then, and she walked away. I can honestly say that this is the first time someone has asked me if I was pregnant because of my appearance.

My pride definitely took a shot there, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing either. But this comical story actually made me think on much more serious things. Being in ministry is such a blessing. But, it makes Todd and I more of a target to Satan, and man can he push my buttons. To be completely honest, pride is something I have had way too much of. In the past, I thought myself better than others because of my lifestyle or my speech or even my looks. Thankfully, the Lord still uses me and continues to prune me to be someone who represents Him more. Now, I am working with kids who are still growing, and are less mature than I am ( hard to believe, I know). So, I am hard pressed to remember that without Christ, I would be nowhere and without Christ, I am still an immature girl with no direction in life. If I don't remember these things, and if I don't focus on the love of Christ; I can be easily led to think that I am the reason the ministry grows, and I am the key to these kid's individual growth.

1 Corinthians 3:7-9 says, "So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth. Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building." What a lesson! I am nothing, and yet Christ allows me to be a part of SOMETHING GREAT. I am a part of God's building, I did not build the building. I am just a part of it and Christ is the cornerstone. ( Ephesians 2:19-22 "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, ²⁰built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. ²¹In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.²²And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.") One thing I am learning more and more is that at the heart of Christianity is one thing, humility. Because I can do nothing apart from Christ, He saved me and that is the reason I am here. He was the supreme example of humility, an example to be followed. (Philippians 2:3-11, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%202:3-11&version=NIV )

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

So once again, I waited about ten years to blog. It seems to be a pattern for me. Todd and I recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary! YAY! I have learned so so much in this past year. But I think the biggest lesson I am thinking on right now is where these lessons come from. Before I probably would have said from experience, mostly painful ones. You know, things you learn from making stupid decisions. It's very similar to my driving experiences. I know my way around Ypsilanti and Ann Arbor because I have been lost so many times in the middle of these cities. Unfortunately, that's probably not going to change anytime soon.

I have started a study in I Corinthians recently and I'm using a book along with it called Be Wise, written by Warren W. Wiersbe. It really makes me think back on how I started following Christ seriously in my life. In the past, I went to a Christian school, connected to the church I went to where all my friends and even some of my family attended. I had a safe, little bubble to live in.

In this bubble that I lived in, I knew what was expected of me. Come on now, a girl who grew up in church, went to Christian school and sat under very doctrinal teaching, obviously I am to be a leader among my peers. I had a testimony to uphold, and all this knowledge to draw from. Unfortunately, I made decisions based on those things. I seemed to be missing something very important in my life and I couldn't figure out what it was. I was a leader in youth group, involved in church, had a prayer group at school, and tried to do my "devotions" every day. I should be very content and be filled with joy, right?

It took a couple years for me to start feeling the effects of my errors in reasoning. I was stuck in a job that I didn't like, becoming more and more like the unsaved people I worked with. I didn't really know what I wanted to pursue for a career and I was in a unhealthy relationship that was getting too serious. It's not pleasant to think on these things, but that's the amazing part. I was rescued from my misery. I found direction and forgiveness. Where? Well I can tell you it wasn't in christian school and it wasn't in church ( I'm not knocking those institutions, I'm just saying sadly, it's sometimes easy to miss the point of them).

The Good Shepherd left His flock and came after me. Now I have purpose, as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 2:2 - For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. The christian life is not about being a better leader, knowing more verses, or being able to name the dispensations, it is about CHRIST. Decisions I make in life should not be based on me or my needs. "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, ⁵so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." (I Cor. 2:4-5)

"If you hear preaching about duty and command, it is very proper, but if it be the one sole theme the teaching becomes very

legal in the long run; and after a while the true gospel which has the power to make us keep the precept

gets flung into the background, and the precept is not kept after all. Do, do, do, generally ends in nothing being done." Spurgeon