*Open my eyes, that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key
That shall unclasp and set me free.
Silently now I wait for thee,
Ready my God, Thy will to see,
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit Divine!
Today, my eyes have been opened.
I didn't actually know I was blind. Usually that kind of infirmity is pretty obvious; but alas, it was not obvious to me. God is bringing me through a trial right now, and it seems to be harder than it should be. If someone were describing to me this trial, I know exactly what I would be thinking. I would give sympathetic words, and bestow upon that person my vast knowledge coming from two whole years in ministry....yikes. I will explain further.
God has given my husband and me an opportunity to show love to someone, and we have experienced great blessings and joy thus far. The person we have been ministering to, by acts of service and telling her The Good News, has no means to give back. Now, anyone would look at that and say that is the best situation to be in. What a way to show the love of Jesus Christ! Those were my exact thoughts. But, it is in these moments when I sadly feel my flesh so cunningly warring against my spirit. In my efforts to serve, my focus was diverted, ever so slightly, from Jesus to myself, from bringing glory to God through the Spirit to bringing glory to God by my own strength...fail. It really is pretty amazing that there are so many ways to serve yourself, and only one way to serve God.
As I look back, I can see that I was growing more confident in the ways I could serve, ignoring the fact that I was and am completely dependent on the Holy Spirit for ability and strength and faith and everything. Two days ago, God started opening my eyes to the error of my ways. Our friend called me and said she needed a big favor. She had to be out of her apartment the next day and needed to rent a Uhaul for her stuff, but she didn't have any money. Now don't get me wrong, I was eager to help her for the right reasons. I just get off track easily.
Anyways, I got some money to take to her. I was not aware she wanted me to take her to get it that moment. I also was not aware that I would be using my license to rent the vehicle. My husband and I are missionaries and technically, by human standards anyways, we are not fully supported. I had a certain amount of cash to use, but the deposit had to be on a credit card, so now we are pushing it. She was supposed to only need the vehicle for one day. But, after repeatedly calling her throughout the day with no answer, my nerves were frayed. Thoughts were running through my head and my stomach was in knots. What if, what if, what if...and the what ifs became "now what?" She needed the truck for one more day. We could not afford one more day.
I knew in my head that God could and would provide, but I couldn't seem to make my heart believe it. I felt myself under such spiritual warfare. My flesh wanted to cry out, "foul! I'm being taken advantage of, how can she just take us for granted like that?" But then my husband said something to me that just kept bouncing around in my head. We would do the same thing she is doing if we didn't have Jesus...wow. It also reminded me of the passage Todd spoke on recently in Hosea2.
How many times have I looked at the love, such perfect and pure love, shown to me, and shrugged it off? How many times have I taken Jesus for granted? How many times have I slapped away the hand that has been given to me to help me up when I fall? Countless times. And yet He still loves me with an everlasting love.
That is when I realized, the true test of love comes when you love the unlovely, when you give till you can't give anymore. And when you come to the end of your strength, simply ask for more. God will not let you down, He is faithful.
The situation isn't resolved and I doubt the lady will fall down in a pile of gratitude, but it doesn't matter. God will provide, and He WILL get the glory. Amen and Amen.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
I will sing to the Lord,because he has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:5,6
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,
for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23
*Open My Eyes, That I May See by Clara H. Scott
